i feel exhausted...

now i am in Ninh Binh, a small town of north vietnam...

although vitnam is really beautiful and flash for me,
i do feel exhausted for endless noise negociations and lies....................really exhausted.

why? i cant smile anymore?
why? i have to be nervous every second?
.....all vietnamese teach me that, dont trust any vietnamese...

i feel myself is not heartfuly anymore.

vietnamese is not used to smile to each other,
so when i smile to them, them are still pretty cool.

i was used to smile to everyone....
but, if i smile,
many guys regard me as a stupid tourist, approach me and try to take my money away.
recently, i cant smile anymore...
when i arrive at a strange place,
at first sight,
i must keep cool face and almost want to yell to anyone with anger.

"fuck!fuck!..."
"shut up!"
"stop your lies...."
i ever yelled out......
i feel so sad. very very sad and tired.
keeping cool to everyone is thier country culture, a rule.

i wonder,
althogh we always say, smile with heart is universal languege....
maybe, the old saying, is just also a culture practice rather than a fact.

just staying for 10 nights in vietnam,
i already met so many bad things and people.
therefore,
i begain to wonder about, truth of personality we always believe....
i also cant stop myself to think about the strong influence of economy....
......personalities is transforming....in the process from extreme-poor to rich...

vitnam, lets me wonder.....


today,
the local shop boss gives me a free lotus tea and banana.
i am so touched that i break my stone-appreance down.

i find,
when i try to keep cool and refuse to trust anyone,
my mind already become weak.

......can i possess my pure smile?
i am not sure too.

the travel experience in vietnam lets me find, i should, but i am not smart.